Gripes & Graplings

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Who's A Lucky Girl?

Yesterday I won 2.5 million Euros in a Dutch lottery - twice! I won 1 million pounds in The National Lottery email draw and was offered a share of 38 million dollars if I let a Russian heir to some fortune or another place his money in my bank account for 3 months. Boy have I got it made! So much so that the Chase Bank of America seem to think I have an account with them that's being hacked several times a day.

Should I need Viagra, I've been offered it at a huge 75% discount and I can even get a pack of 3 condoms absolutely free of charge when I order more than 30 of the same. I've also been offered Zoloft, but as I'm not sure what that is, I think I'll give that one a miss.

The unnamed Indian pain relief medication sounds interesting, as does the Prilosec, but only because I like the name and it ends with the initials I had as an unmarried girl.

What I don't understand, though, is why anybody would think I should need to enlarge my penis. Isn't it big enough as it is? Yes, I know it's non-existent but that's the point! I don't have one so why should it be bigger? Maybe they think I'll buy their 'Sensational Revolution in Medicine' for Richard? It'd certainly make an unusual gift idea but somehow I can't see him thanking me for it.

Isn't email a wonderful thing?


  • You're lucky. Apart from the viagra stuff, I just get endless offers of computer software at knockdown prices and stock market tips that are guaranteed to make me rich.

    Nobody has ever offered to enlarge my penis via email, dammit...

    By Blogger Mark Gamon, at 20/4/06 17:36  

  • You mean to say you've never been sent links to porn sites, Mark?

    By Anonymous Sharon J, at 20/4/06 21:58  

  • Hey, that money is mine!! mine!!

    But I'll share the viagra with you and well, my penis doesn't need enlarging. But I know where you can get a good deal on some software. How about a mortgage? you need a mortgage?

    By Blogger Kyahgirl, at 20/4/06 23:25  

  • What would I want with a mortgage now that I've won all that money? I'm not sharing and you ain't having it! So there!

    Just five minutes ago I was offered a degree from the University of Chicago in any subject of my choice for just $150. Wow! I must tell my daughter. No point in financing three years of uni if you can get a degree for a fraction of the cost.

    By Anonymous Sharon J, at 20/4/06 23:50  

  • My God. If you both get going on the Viagra... the mind boggles at the prospect.

    By Blogger Mark Gamon, at 21/4/06 11:08  

  • I'm not sure the mind would be the only thing boggling, either!

    By Anonymous Sharon J, at 21/4/06 11:25  

  • God almighty, what the hell would I want with a bigger penis and then on top of that, a load of viagra to keep it that way. It's difficult enough to get a night's sleep as it is!
    Who are these people?

    By Blogger tom909, at 22/4/06 20:16  

  • we could give the viagra to all those people that Tom mentioned in the 'West Country'. Or maybe not, they are already out of control.

    By Blogger Kyahgirl, at 23/4/06 00:21  

  • Tom. Are you asking me to answer that?

    Kyah. I don't think I really want to think about what might happen to the Viagra. Feed it to the dog might be the best bet.

    By Anonymous Sharon J, at 23/4/06 00:56  

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